When I thought I am understanding the people around me, one incident would make me ask again “what did I get myself into taking this post?”
Seems like my powers of attracting good people in my life is loosing charge, I need holiday again!
When in this situation, I seek the help of the one person who understands me inside and out, my sister. If there’s one person that can make me feel guilty and happy at the same time that would be her.
She told me to keep on loving them in spite of how awful they may be to you.
I told you, I am already feeling guilty — I should know better.
Gaza is not an easy place to be. The not so recent war is still palpable around us here and some of the people I met are resigned to the fact that their situation now is their destiny and may not change in their lifetime. Others conditioned themselves to hide their emotions and get on with life like nothing happened, detaching themselves from the reality of what is around them because that is the only way they know how to get to the future they imagined for themselves and their young families.
Again, I should know better! But like every human being I am fallible, bound to take things personal that often affect my psyche, blinding me of the truth in front of me.
In a confined space where people have been working together for years, enduring their situation together, they form a bond and I am seen as an outsider.
Being new in the region, having very few friends from the Middle East, I struggled to understand the culture and while on it, my understanding is challenged by characters of people I am not used to see in other places I’ve been to. I started to loose my compassion and dwell on the negativity that I felt directed towards me, even though I know it is not to me personally but to what I represent to them – an outsider.
But like what Dalai Lama said in his book My Spiritual Autobiography
Faced with a problem, try to remain humble while keeping a sincere attitude, and think about the right solution.
And that is what I am going to do – although it’s hard to get back on track, I will find the right solution to my predicament (eventually) and get on doing what I am here for without loosing the passion I have doing this.